Training Your Attention to Focus on What’s Important

As I facilitate mindfulness meditation classes and coach individuals on mindful eating, self-compassion and stress reduction, I’m constantly asked the question, “Which mindfulness program is the best one for me?”  My answer: it depends on that which you wish to focus– the relationship you want to experience differently.  I’ve been asked this question so many times that I wrote an article on it that appears in L’Chaim Magazine this month entitled, “Increasing Your Well-being.” Check it out! But first ask yourself– is there a relationship that I wish to experience differently with: myself, others in communication, food, stress, concentration, relaxation, etc…? If so, perhaps a mindful approach can offer you a different perspective than the one you normally have.

Keep in mind that mindfulness is about attention training. And what we know about our modern world is that our attention is constantly divided and in demand 24/7– as we rapidly shift our tasks (what some call multi-tasking), are asked to be available all the time, and be productive beyond belief. With mindfulness, we bring the intention to slow down, really attend, and recognize reactions and conditioned responses/habits that keep us stuck– from experiencing happiness in this moment.

If you have any questions after reading the piece, contact me. I’d be glad to chat and perhaps look at the current relationship you have with that on which you wish to focus– one that may be out of balance, in need of a refresh, or resulting in reactivity that you experience as unhealthy. Bringing deliberate, focused attention into our lives can allow us to experience greater well-being, and positively influence those around us.

What are you waiting for? ‘Tis the season… to be mindful!

Stress Less this Holiday Season

Wondering how to reduce your stress and enjoy life more this holiday season? Take a look at the latest blog post I penned for the HeraHub Herald, a resource for Women Entrepreneurs. Imparted are practical mindful TIPs (Taking In (the) Present) that you can pack in your toolbox to use when you are faced with overflowing calendars, store lines, traffic and mindless eating.

Supporting you to be well, be merry, be mindful this holiday season!

Surviving the Holidays with Mindfulness and Gratitude

Looking for tips on how to get through the stress of the holidays? Find yourself with busy schedules, long lists of to-dos, anticipated changes in new ways to be with the holidays, managing relationships and more? Need a reminder on why gratitude is important, and new twists on old practices? Check out a couple of posts I wrote recently or contributed to that speak to all of these situations.

Tips for a Healthy Holiday Season can be found on Hera Herald… the e-news site from HeraHub, co-working space for women. These tips are not only healthy for you, they are mindfully-based… where you can bring your focused attention to the subject, with an open or beginner’s mind, along with non-judgment, patience, and non-striving (letting things unfold as they may).

Interested in Gratitude from another angle? I wrote this piece for the A2ZHealingToolbox for their Thanksgiving edition, focusing on how to employ gratitude during times of loss and grief (family status, job/career, transitions, and death). I list certain practices and put a new spin on some older ideas. Worth a preview at: A2ZHealingToolbox: Thanksgiving: Gratitude .

Check back later this week for links to two more resources from BeingMerry: a guest blog post on Reducing Holiday Stress with Mindfulness, and an article focusing on and The Introduction of Mindfulness-Based Applications to Increase Well-being.

Until then, be well, be merry– and be mindful!

Eating, Drinking and Being Mindful: 5 Tips to Help You Eat Mindfully this Holiday Season

Yes, the holidays are upon us… as are the bowls filled with Halloween candy, bottomless cookie platters, delicious baked breads (healthy because they are pumpkin, carrot or zucchini, right?), rich creamy soups and casseroles to warm us, and festive cocktail beverages that go down effortlessly.  Such a spread would increase anyone’s waistline over time, if encountered mindlessly.  How do you plan on eating this holiday season? Giving yourself the gift of eating mindfully might be your answer.

An Ancient Practice Revisited: Mindful Eating

Mindful eating is not a new mindfulness fad, as some media sources suggest. It’s actually existed since our ancestors started eating with awareness thousands of years ago. However, lately what many experience in today’s world is mindless eating—where we consume our food and nutrients while distracted by our devices, hectic schedules, hectic minds, and each other. In our modern world we don’t “experience” eating as we multi-task or task shift, preventing our bodies and minds from being united in the same space and time, unaware of how much we’ve taken in.  As a result, we tend to overeat, and then feel bad and beyond full– and may even beat ourselves up over it– which can result in eating even more to make us feel better emotionally.  This mindless eating can turn into a cycle and affect our weight and wellness at the same time.  In 2013-2014, The Center for Disease Control and Prevention  reported the percentage of adults over 20 years of age with obesity was 37.9%, and the percentage of adults over 20 years of age considered overweight (including with obesity) was 70.7%. Is mindless eating the culprit? Perhaps it is one variable that is influencing our conditioned eating habits. The antidote to mindless eating and to fuel our minds and bodies simultaneously, with exactly what we need, is eating mindfully.

Slow Down and Gain Awareness

Thankfully, eating mindfully is gaining momentum in the west. Mindful eating is not about a certain diet that promotes certain foods over others (though healthy choices are recommended). Mindful eating encourages us to intentionally focus on the present moment internally (acknowledging the thoughts, emotions, and sensations) and externally (the environment). Mindful eating is about slowing down and bringing awareness to nourishing ourselves: with the what, why, when, where and how. When coaching or teaching about eating mindfully, we look at all areas where our appetites might arise (we call these hunger centers), acknowledging them, and then ask what do I need to nourish myself most appropriately. Check out my website at your leisure, for more information about the curriculum specifically in the Eating Mindfully class.

5 Mindful Eating Tips to Keep You Healthy this Holiday Season

And in the meantime, consider these five mindful eating tips, to help you nourish yourself this holiday season in a healthy way:

1)      Check in with yourself and NOTICE your hunger. Where are you hungry? What sensations, thoughts or emotions do you notice?  Sometimes we THINK we are hungry when we look at the clock and notice it’s 12pm. Or we SENSE we are hungry when we walk into the mall and smell the cinnamon bun baking. If you feel a need for connection or warmth, heart hunger is asking to be nourished. Did you know there are a total of nine hunger centers? We cover these in the Eating Mindfully class. Taking an assessment BEFORE you eat on where you are hungry can lead you to make healthier choices on how to meet your appetite needs.

2)      If you feel sensations in your stomach area or other bodily sensations that suggest food is what you need, ask yourself what kind of food do I need? Cellular hunger requests a type of food to satisfy a deficiency in a specific element that keeps our bodies going. Listen to what your body is legitimately telling you to put in your mouth, stomach and system. And then give it what it needs.

3)      Before you eat, ask yourself HOW MUCH food do I need? Stomach hunger just wants volume (as it cannot taste food) and may not need as much as you think? Remember, our bodies are pretty wise and will give us the answer if we just listen. This is especially an important question to ask when eating out at a restaurant. Generally, in today’s restaurants, one plate of food is really 2-3 servings combined. After you ask yourself how much you need, serve yourself 2/3rds of that initially, knowing you may go back for seconds.

4)      Reduce Distractions: Turn off the electronics and your monkey mind. Many people consume their food while watching TV, surfing the net, or reading their email. Try turning off the electronics and tuning into your own self. Finding a comfortable place to eat, like at a dining room table, can help reduce the mindless eating being distracted and on the go. Set the intention to be present to your food and eating experience. When your monkey mind wanders to thinking about something else, don’t criticize your mind for wandering…. that’s it’s job! Just simply and kindly bring your attention back to your meal.

5)      Pause. Before, during and after your meal. Before you begin eating, perhaps offer grace as a blessing for the food you received, acknowledging all the hands that helped get this food to you. Then take the time to savor what is before you. Take in the colors, textures, shapes and smells. During the meal, put your eating utensil down between bites, and chew your food fully (perhaps over 20 complete chews). Chewing your food more allows for efficient digestion. Also during your meal, check in to see if your appetite is satisfied. Try not to aim for fullness; it’s better to find a sweet spot where you are 2/3rds full instead of overly full.  After your meal, walk away from the table and notice how your body feels. Does it feel energetic, tired, sluggish, fatigued? Listen to your body and may your next choice for action be a healthy one based on your body’s answer.

Folks who eat mindfully can alter their weight, weighing 10 pounds less a year, due to simply becoming aware of how much, when, where, what and why they eat.  Eating mindfully has the ability to change eating patterns or at least question them. Once we start to question, our awareness increases. Once we are aware we step out of auto-pilot, and have a chance of changing a bad habit, in that moment. So why not arm yourself with some healthy tips this holiday season and avoid the mindless eating trap. Your mind, body and heart will be glad you did.

The next Eating Mindfully course will start in February of 2017 at the Jewish Community Center in La Jolla. Be sure to check out the registration page and sign up!  I also coach one-on-one Eating Mindfully skills—bringing in the curriculum into our co-active coaching calls. Whichever route you go, may you be mindful with nourishing yourself!

When’s the last time you experienced the power of AWE?

Last weekend I had the privilege of attending The Art and Science of AWE Event organized by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. It was a day to increase awareness of this universal feeling and see it in a new light; as a positive emotion that brings a multitude of benefits to our health, well-being and society overall.  The day was spent hearing from researchers, artists, other professionals, and practitioners alike.  And yes, I was awestruck many times through out the day by how powerful AWE is, and moved by performances at the same time.

What science shows is that awe benefits us on all levels: cognitively, physically, emotionally and socially, in the way we process information, and the perspective from which we view the world . Awe is accessible to all of us, at any time.  We don’t have to wait for something miraculous to happen (such as the birth, or heroics). We can experience it right in our own backyards, and within ourselves.

What is AWE and What Does It Do?

Dacher Keltner, Ph.D. of UC Berkeley, and Founder of the Greater Good Science Center, defined awe as a feeling of “being in the presence of something vast, beyond our current understanding.” Michelle “Lani” Shiota, Ph.D. of Arizona State University adds that AWE is “an emotional response to physically or conceptually extraordinary stimuli that challenge our normal, day-to-day frame of reference, and are not already integrated into our understanding of the world.” Both scientists show that awe not only affects the individual emotionally, cognitively, and physiologically, it also affects us socially as a community as well.

Awe moves us from our own self-interest toward the good of the group (which speaks to being an antidote to the narcissistic epidemic we have in the West). Awe makes this shift by enabling us to gain a sense of our “small self”, where we become more humble and generous, and connected to something larger than ourselves. While it doesn’t make us feel shameful or unimportant, it does help put our problems into perspective. Awe also shifts us from our isolated self to an integrated self, as we become more curious, creative, and purposeful. Cognitively, awe allows us to take in more information and discern it’s quality at the same time. Lastly, awe aids in breaking down the “us vs. them” mentality that runs amuck in our society, leading us to feel more compassion toward others.

On a physiological level, the effects of awe on the body have been shown to lower cytokine levels, or proteins that help boost our immune systems fighting disease, infection and reducing inflammation.  High cytokine levels are associated with poorer health and diseases such as heart disease, depression, type-2 diabetes and Alzheimer’s. Physiologically, awe has the effect of relaxing, soothing and calming; turning down the fight and flight response of the sympathetic system, while at the same time decreasing the rest and digest response of the parasympathetic system, so that we are more relaxed but alert.

Avenues to Elicit Awe

We heard from numerous sources on ways to elicit the social emotion of awe, from being out in mother nature and her wonders, to experiencing The Arts (music, dance, literature/poetry, visual arts), as well as The Sciences (from the macro- universe to the micro- inside ourselves).  Awe can be elicited by others such as powerful leaders who inspire us to become better , while encouraging us to fold into the collective.  Awe can also arise from witnessing acts of altruism and courage.

The Vocal Artist Melanie DeMore, reminded us that in feeling awe, we are the smallest and the biggest we will ever be: The smallest as it humbles us, and the biggest as we become interconnected. She also reminded us to walk around in the world AWAKE, and awed us with her incredibly soulful voice.

Awe In Education

Researchers and educators alike touched on awe in education, and invited the audience to do an exercise, which is the same one we do at the AWE Inspired Retreat (next one 6/18/16 at the Keys Creek Lavender Farm). Try it for yourself and see what you notice. Or better yet, attend the retreat:

AWE AWAKENED Exercise

• Start by checking in and gaging your well-being /happiness level. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being low and 10 being high, rate your level of well being before you start this exercise.
• Close your eyes gently, or gaze downward at the floor.
• Take a deeper than normal breath through your nostrils.
• Release your breath slowly through your mouth, releasing any tension that you may be carrying as well.
• Now reaching back into your childhood, recall a moment when you felt awe or wonder. Bring to mind the feeling you experienced as a child with as much detail as possible. Savor that experience staying with it by taking a few extra breaths. Notice the feeling that is awakened.
• Notice the way your body is responding right now to this memory. What do you notice?
• When you are ready, gently open your eyes and write down what awe meant to you as a child and what it means to you now.
• If possible, share this memory and insight with someone else.
• Revisit your well-being /happiness level again. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being low and 10 being high, rate your level of well-being after completing this exercise. Did the level stay the same? What do you notice?

We heard from an inner-city High School Teacher in New York on how she is facilitating the feeling of awe in her classroom, specifically through journaling with prompts and metacognitive reflections, and through AWE walks (we call these Sense and Savor walks in the AWE Inspired Retreat).

AWE in the End

No matter how you slice it, AWE is a gift and privilege of being alive. It is a universal human experience. We are here for a short time, in the grand scheme of things. Our lives are now. What are you doing to acknowledge it’s gift?  What will you do to increase your quotient of awe in your life? If you are wanting to get out in nature, consider registering for the retreat at the Lavender Farm in Valley Center. Or you don’t have to look far, for you can find awe in the world around you and inside yourself if you slow down to pause and notice, taking in the treasures that life provides.

Take This Month to Focus on Your Heart!

Hello February, 2016! So good to greet you! I’ve never seen you before. I wonder what adventures we will have in store for us this month? Perhaps a little heart work—in many different directions. After all, February is National Heart Awareness Month (today is the Go Red for Women’s Day). It is this month that we are reminded to focus on our physical health and well-being, getting our blood pressure numbers checked and controlled for, and to understand the need for awareness around stroke and heart disease. These aspects are so important to wellness, as increasing this awareness can reduce suffering and influence the quality and longevity of our lives. It is so important to know your numbers, as well as the signs for disease, and put in place measures you can take to reduce your risks. What will YOU do today to improve the health of your heart? Besides measuring your blood pressure, you can also check your cholesterol levels, get some cardio workouts in to exercise the muscle (more walking and moving/less sitting), and perhaps give gratitude for and appreciate your heart.

For Health and Love

February is also the month to focus on the heart through another lens: that of love. With Valentine’s Day coming up, we are encouraged to express our love for those important relationships in our lives; be it romantic, platonic, familial, etc… So much emphasis is placed on this day as well, and for good reason: social connections are one of the biggest influencers on our well-being. If you want to increase your happiness… go connect with another in any way you can—in person, virtually, or asynchronously. The effects of social connection broaden and build our inner resources in all ways: physically, psychologically and emotionally. They also build our social relationships as well. So, whatever way you can connect with someone and express your love or appreciation, just do it! Perhaps send a Valentine’s Day card, or a gratitude letter, expressing thanks for all the ways a dear one has made your life a better place. Ring up an old friend or relative and reminisce about a past good memory, or better yet create a new memory that you can reflect back on in years to come.

For Calmness, Relaxation, Comfort and Sanity!

Now, if you cannot connect with a love one for some reason in any moment, you don’t have to just pass on the idea… you can connect in your mind through a meditation known as Loving-Kindness Meditation (LKM, also known as Metta). What is Loving-Kindness Meditation? It’s an opening of the heart, wishing good will and well-being for others and for ourselves. It’s an ancient meditation that uses the power of language, imagery, concentration, connection and caring. By practicing LKM, calmness and relaxation are achieved through concentration. LKM can also bring comfort and soothing, and a whole list of other benefits as reported on by Researcher Emma Seppala in her article, “18 Science-Based Reasons to Try Loving-Kindness Meditation Today!” Any way you slice it, practicing this type of meditation is good for your heart physically, psychologically, and emotionally too. It’s involves cultivating and sharing a positive emotion with others, and with yourself. What we know about positive emotion is that we need more of it in our daily lives. So, do your heart and relationships some good and try it yourself. Check out the Guided Loving-Kindness Meditation I offer in the Resources section of BeingMerry.com, under Mindfulness and Guided Meditations.

My Story of Practicing Loving-Kindness Meditation

I not only teach Loving-Kindness Meditation (LKM) in the Mindful Self-Compassion course, I also practice it daily. I started my LKM practice a few years ago, when I became acquainted with it through the work of Barbara Fredrickson, research and author of the book, Love 2.0.   I had the opportunity of taking a coaching course from Dr. Fredrickson, based on her books Love 2.0 and Positivity. It was then that I discovered how LKM can affect the heart—not just through learning about it cerebrally, but by applying it and marinating in it, experientially. I learned to offer wishes of good will to my children, my pet, and my then-husband. I learned that relationships change from practicing LKM, in that we begin to see the people to whom we are offering wishes of good will in a different light; one of humanity and compassion (and when you are dealing with teenagers—sometimes you question their humanity and compassion)!

One jewel that I walked away with from practicing, and specifically offering LKM to myself, is that I too deserve these wishes of good will and well-being. When I included myself in the LKM practice, my circle of compassion became complete, and I began to feel differently about myself. I not only became calmer and more understanding with others, I started to show more compassion to myself. This has been especially helpful during the stressful transitional times of my life that included raising children and teenagers, transitioning careers, and going through a divorce. LKM has allowed me to awaken a practice of self-compassion and how I relate to myself, while enhancing my relationships with others. There are so many wonderful meditations out there for us to apply to enhance our well-being, but LKM is one that touched me the most, in so many different ways and places—especially my heart.

Starting Your LKM Practice

When I practice LKM, I notice how it relaxes my heart and sets the tone for the day and how I will live my life. Here are some guidelines to think about as you begin your practice.

Identify Your Intention

I start LKM with an intention, which arises after asking: What do I want to get out of practicing LKM? Why is it important? Why am I doing it? Identifying why I am practicing, motivates me to stay with the practice. Examples of an intention could be to bring more presence and engagement to life, or to improve relationships with myself and/or others, or perhaps increasing positive emotion and decreasing rumination (see benefits of meditation). There are so many intentions one can have for meditating. It’s good to check in with yourself on this.

Identify To Whom You Will Send Loving-Kindness

Once you know what your intention is, it’s time to think of a dear one to whom you will send these wishes of well-being. Bring to mind their image. What words of goodwill might you want to offer them? What might they need to hear that would resonate with them? I offer different phrases for my kids as they have unique personalities and specific needs.

Identify Phrases to Use

The traditional Loving-Kindness Meditation phrases of good will are:

• May you be safe ,
• May you be healthy,
• May you be happy, and
• May you live with ease.

You can use these phrases or identify others that resonate with your dear ones and yourself. With self-compassion, when finding phrases for ourselves, we ask, “What do I need to be happy?” And listen to the answers that arise: perhaps meaningful work, healthy children, a healthy body and life, love, friendship, etc…. There’s a great resource online from the Center for Nonviolent Communication that can be helpful to bring awareness to needs- a Needs Inventory where needs are listed and categorized.

Adopt an Accepting Attitude

There are so many ways you can offer Loving-Kindness to others. You may offer these phrases to your loved one, to many loved ones, to a neutral party, to a difficult party and to yourself. It’s important to note, to bring to mind the image of whomever you are offering these phrases, and to keep your heart open.

As you sit between breaths, notice what may be arising in you (sensations, thoughts, emotions). It could be a sense of warmth, or heat. Perhaps an openness or expansion. Or perhaps not. It may take a while to notice these feelings, and it’s important to remember that this is a practice to cultivate those feelings, which may take time. Just be curious as to what arises, and lean into that, holding it in awareness and accepting what arises.

Release

End your meditation knowing that you just did something wonderful for your whole body, mind and spirit, and for the body, mind and spirit of another as well. Try practicing on your own 5-10 minutes a day. Increase that practice to about 20-30 minutes if you can, gradually. Or choose a guided meditation—again look at my “resources” section. Or take time during your day and send those phrases out to whoever needs it in the world—perhaps using Social Media to begin to circulate good will and well-being. However you do it, practicing Loving-Kindness Meditation is something that you can do for yourself, for others and for the global community, to make this a more compassionate world. Be the change you want to see in the world… starting with you!